You cannot expect the other party in an unharmonious relationship to give you the tools you need to heal from it. You must do this for yourself.
One way I urge my life coaching clients to do this is through a letter ceremony around the complicated relationship.
Ceremonies are an important way to bring reverence to a situation, which is what healing emotional wounds and relationships deserve.
Think about a complex relationship in your life that you want to heal from, and then try the following steps.
Set the scene for a ceremony space. Bring out crystals, candles, and other sacred objects, choose calming lighting.
Sit in meditation and prayer and set your intentions for the ceremony. Understand why you are doing it and what you want to gain from the experience before you start.
Call upon any helping guides and spirits to support you in this otherwise individual practice. (I love to call on Gaia, a master healer).
Let your pen become your “thinking stick.” You are only allowed to be in your head, actively thinking, when you have the pen in your hand.
Write with intention around your pain, sorrows, anger, fears, forgiveness, desires, etc. As you write, emotions will most likely arise. When you feel an emotion arise, put your pen down. Setting down the pen is your cue to bring your awareness out of your thoughts and into the present moment.
Focus your awareness in your body and ask yourself:
“How do I know I’m experiencing (insert emotion)?”
“What does (insert emotion) feel like?”
“Where in my body do I feel the physical sensation of that emotion?”
“How does it change or move?”
Stay out of your head and observe the physical sensation of the emotion. Be sure to follow your body’s instructions to experience the emotion fully, whether it tells you to cry, wail, scream, punch a pillow, or stomp around. This step is essential to allow the emotion to release from your body. More on that here.
You may also want to practice some inner-child work during this time as well. Inner-child work will help you identify and let go of any limiting beliefs you may have created.
Once the emotion has passed, you can pick your pen back up. Picking up the pen is your cue to go back into conscious thought and begin to write again.
Go back and forth between thought and present moment in the body until you’re finished with your letter.
When you finish, close out the ceremony with another short meditation and prayer focused on gratitude. Gratitude for the ceremony, for yourself, for the person you were focused on, for your helping spirits, for the universe, and for anything else you are grateful for.
Then clean up any candles, crystals, and other healing ornaments.
Follow the ceremony with your favorite meal to nourish yourself and/or an Epsom salt bath to help clear out what no longer serves you.
Your mind and body will thank you.