Last week I mentioned boundary-setting as a necessary step for not taking on other people’s pain. But this topic deserves a dedicated post, don’t you think?
Feeling overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or resentful are all telltale signs that you need to set some healthy boundaries.
To do this, you need to find what is non-negotiable for you when interacting with others to maintain your mental and emotional wellbeing.
Think about what gets your blood boiling a bit.
Is it disrespectful talk? Lateness? Poor listening? Lies? Too many favors, perhaps? The lines you draw in the sand are completely valid, but it’s your responsibility to express your boundaries to others in a clear manner.
Remember: People cannot read your mind, so you must be explicit with your needs.
Ask for what you want and be clear about what you will not tolerate. And yes, you can be firm about your boundaries while still showing love and compassion. (Unless you need to be forceful, depending on the situation.)
The people who are used to you not having boundaries will have the hardest time accepting your newly communicated needs. When someone has a difficult time understanding the boundaries you’re setting, feel free to borrow one of my favorite quotes:
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
It’s true. Emotional boundaries are how you maintain healthy relationships, especially with the people you love most. It’s also how you practice putting yourself first, which is critical if you want to let go of limiting beliefs, negative thinking and self-sabotaging behaviors.
It’s an unfortunate situation, but sometimes people in your life may refuse to honor your boundaries. In this case, it’s up to you to decide if you want to keep those people in your life or not.
You can’t control how others respond to your needs; you can only control how you maintain your boundaries.
Actions speak louder than words. When you show someone that you will continually allow them to disregard your boundaries, that person will have no incentive to honor them because, in fact, you’re not honoring them yourself.
Distancing yourself from people you care about isn’t easy, but sometimes it is necessary in order to heal and grow.
When in doubt, prioritize your self-care. You can’t go wrong if maintaining your boundaries means you can better manage your mental health.
Need help identifying your triggers and setting boundaries? Let’s connect with a FREE 90—minute Jump Start Session to your healing.